An update: I’ll be honest, getting back to work has been har..

An update: I’ll be honest, getting back to work has been harder than I thought or anticipated this past week, with everything going on. It’s been really rough and I’ve just avoided a lot of things or taken much longer to get things done than usual, due to all of this. I find that playing games gives a means to escape when I’ve been at home, so I’ve kept coming back to that and streaming on twitch more than I usually would, with 8/9 hour streams on top of hospital visits which is exhausting in itself because it’s a huge energy drain too. But one I do get a rush from and enjoy at the moment (the gaming, not the hospital visits). I was at a funeral yesterday for a friend that passed in December and it feels like I’m no closer to any form of closure - his death is still unexplained and needs further investigation. Then the holiday we were supposed to enjoy, but it was cut short with my partner’s father getting diagnosed with terminal bloood cancer (edit: in case people don’t know, that means it cannot be cured and he has been told he doesn’t have long to live), I didn’t truly get a full day off and regret not taking full advantage of that now. I blame my disabilities (ADHD/Autism) for not being able to cope with the workload I gave myself, and the sheer amount I thought I could get sorted before I left and to carry me through while I was away. My sister is struggling and needs help, not just with my heavily autistic niece, but with her own mental health, as does my mother. I’m trying my best but with a cup almost running on empty. We all are, and I’m sure a lot of you can relate. I haven’t slept since Monday. I’ve been reflecting on the huge amount of grief I’ve tried to either compartmentalise or be in denial of and it all catches up when it all gets a little overwhelming, or of course with lack of sleep. Basically, as you all know, I’m doing my best for the sake of my income and in an attempt not to lose the momentum completely. And a damn good job at that, not going completely quiet for days on end. I can’t make any promises for anything right now as I honestly don’t know what the future holds for me, or for anyone else, but I’m doing what I can and that will have to be enough for now. I’m not going anywhere either, I’ve worked my ass off this past couple months here, it would be a shame to see it all go to waste because life got heavy. But I will need some time and compassion. Treat me like a human and I will treat you like one too. That is all. 💖