Good morning, Starshine. The earth says hello! This is a me..

Good morning, Starshine. The earth says hello! This is a message I posted to my discord almost a week ago. I didn't put it here because this is a more public platform, but you all deserve to know what's going on: "I hope you all know that when I stop posting content and streaming, it is only EVER because something is eating at me in the background- abuse, death, etc. I NEVER stop making content- I just stop feeling safe enough to put myself out there because putting myself out there when I'm hurting is a really big challenge. I don't like airing dirty laundry, I don't like making other people look bad, and if I'm honest about what we're going through right now, it makes Rain's parents look very, very cruel. I want to just tell you guys everything we're going through, or at least the basics: - how they brought us out here under the guise of helpfulness only to hold us hostage for $1700 a month, significantly more than we were paying in Colorado, in a house that is infested with ants and plagued by a maleficence we haven't been able to heal. We wake up every day with new ant bites. - how they have basically given Rain an ultimatum of "get rid of her and we'll get you a $5000 car, or we'll give you $5000 to move to Indiana and we'll basically disown you until you come crawling back" - how his dad kept insisting we take the car to Firestone so he could put it on their card and not have to deal with it (his MO: throw money at problems and they go away), even though I kept saying they were taking his money without rendering any useful services and now the car is undriveable (check engine light flashing) until I diagnose what is ACTUALLY wrong. - how despite not leaving the house except for groceries, Rain may have COVID and we now have no way of going anywhere without spending Uber money we don't have. I imagine the possibility of the love of my life in the hospital because we weren't able to get him tested soon enough, and my heart crumples. - how his dad became vicious and hostile because Rain asked him not to bring alcohol to the house- because his son has FINALLY beaten the beast of alcoholism that his parents saddled him with and doesn't want reminders of it - how they promised us 3 months rent free to "get our feet on the ground" but started demanding money IMMEDIATELY upon our arrival and now wonder why we have "nothing to show for" this time- which has been ENTIRELY dedicated to figuring out how to remove their oily, clawed fingers from around our throats. - how his mom has barraged me with hatred, first in the form of incessant instagram messages suggesting that I apply for jobs at car washes and grocery stores while she goes out to wine tastings every week, then in the form of passive aggressive posts on her feed, then in the form of HIGHLY aggressive, immature comments on my posts that I have had to delete - how my grandparents, who did it right their whole lives and raised not one but TWO sets of small humans that weren't "technically" theirs on $35,000 a year, are now dying apart because we don't have the money to ensure home care for my wheelchair-bound grandma, and Rain's parents don't consider me family so we can all just go die for all they care - how his mother literally uttered the words "we're living paycheck to paycheck" while her husband makes TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH - how his mother has failed over and over and over to lift a finger to do ANYTHING in her life, so the house hasn't been inspected and is falling apart, it took a month and a half to get a viable lease, and we still haven't been able to go to the pool or use any of the community amenities because the property manager said "I need x y and z" and she just said NO because she didn't feel like getting on a computer until a week ago. - I have no cell service (my family has to call Rain in case of emergency), no car, no bank account of my own into which I could deposit money because we were waiting on Rain's new license to set up a new joint account, but it arrived the same day the car died. All of this because I have had the audacity to tell Rain that I see the potential for greatness in him, and that his gifts and skills would be wasted going back to work for someone else when his parents have the means to finance his dreams of helping others. Because we have the audacity to say "we're willing to work hard as hell, but only in ways that make the world around us better." Because I dare to believe that EVERYONE deserves to win here, because I know deep down under all of the malice and anger and martyrdom are two kids who just want to be loved. But there's a LOT of hurt in the way. The lion has had a thorn in its paw for so long that it has convinced itself that it belongs there, that the thorn is a part of it. His dad has said "give me something, $1000 a month, something" (this man makes 20 GRAND A MONTH and DOES NOT NEED that money, he WANTS money in order to believe what he cannot see). Rain said, "okay, do you want to see what we've been working on? (the video game Rain made, my singing, our business pitch etc.)" and his dad just outright said NO. He doesn't want to see his son, doesn't want to invest his money, he just wants Rain to make his own so he can finally be rid of him forever. I wish I was making this up. I have never seen two more abhorrent, loveless, myopic, blind parents in my entire life. I've never seen two parents squander an offspring more horribly than these two have, and I have dated a LOT of underappreciated, under-loved men. These are QUITE LITERALLY the emblematic Boomer Landlords we all know and hate. The only language they speak is money, and I didn't believe it until I witnessed it with my own eyes. My relentless optimism and undying hope have been crushed over and over and over and over. I am Meghan and Rain is Harry and we are experiencing EXACTLY the same familial rejection and oppression under the guise of "duty" and "respect" that they have, and every single day here feels like running a marathon. It drains every last bit of love and light I have just facing yet another day under their thumbs, and each conversation is worse than the last. So that's the long and short of it: we are literally being held hostage in a McMansion in paradise and it's gotten so bad that the relationship between Rain and I is constantly at the breaking point, crumbling under the stress of his parents' failing marriage and the hostility and venom they heap at us because they're too afraid to give it to each other. We are both dying, we want to heal his parents but they refuse to acknowledge that they are hurting. We desperately want to move to wherever we can live freely and in love, but in the meantime we're prisoners trying to make the best of an impossible situation." -- I am ALWAYS making content. Music, visuals, writing, everything in between. My True Self is made of light, but I can't fake it, and I hate giving people my stress and hurt and darkness. So if I'm not posting, it's because something or someone is dragging me into the depths of despair, making it so that the only thing I have energy for is survival. When I go into Survival Mode, nonessential functions are shut down, and that includes my greatest passion, the thing I was made to do, my favorite way to love- putting myself on the internet. Please understand that my radio silence is stress, not negligence. I love you all so much for listening, for being curious enough to stick around through the years to see what I'd end up doing. I'm working working working in the background on getting a website and blog up, on uploading to Youtube, on editing. I promise it'll be worth the wait. I promise I'll be spectacular. In the meantime, please accept this little spell/. The Light Key is "beauty and celebration of self." Please internalize accordingly. <3