TW: Trauma, death You guys, I am TERRIFIED of checking my i..
Added 2020-09-01 19:47:20 +0000 UTCTW: Trauma, death You guys, I am TERRIFIED of checking my inbox. If you've subbed lately and feel like it isn't worth it, I understand and I'm sorry. I know I owe one person a rating, and a couple others custom content. Please bear with me. As a thank you for sticking around, here is one of my favorite videos from back when I had long hair. If you're just now joining and wondering why I haven't been consistently active, my mom died in February. The process of getting home to say goodbye, the 14 hours I spent watching death creep in and take her (it's a process), and the aftermath (including walking into her apartment to find the bed and bathroom covered in her bl00d) were really traumatic in ways I wasn't prepared for. Every day is a challenge. I can't sleep in my own bed anymore. My startle response is so exaggerated that I literally always feel on edge, always on the verge of tears. Intrusive thoughts are constant. I feel like I don't know myself. I've been in therapy for a couple of months now and am starting EMDR tomorrow so I have hope for more noticeable improvement soon, but until then I feel like I'm scrambling in the dark. I know y'all are here for sexy shit, not for the dumping of emotional baggage, but I've always been transparent to a fault, and I don't feel good about accepting money from people when I'm not producing content. I've thought about changing my page to a free one, but that wouldn't be fair to all the people who have paid for the content that's already there.
