ah, the end of august 2020. i promise you i’m not usually ..

ah, the end of august 2020. i promise you i’m not usually THIS sentimental, august is just a really impactful month to me. how much can change in 365 days is absolutely crazy. i don't have a mini-goal for the end of this month because we hit all my personal goals for the first time since opening my page. august was legendary, thank you so much for being a part of it. i wanted to share with you a picture of where i was EXACTLY one year ago (2nd pic) compared to what I look like now (1st pic) i’ve also attached a journal entry from this time august 30th, 2019. my goals for therapy were to stop letting my circumstances keep me from thriving my very best. And some of the words to the right read: “There is a sense of hopelessness that I need help with. That my dreams are too big. My past too iffy. Im too scared to live in some places. Scared to leave someone who isn’t good for me. Just all around hopeless and scared. I also hold this mentality that everything is worth work…everything but my life. A failed relationship? I would’ve put anything into saving it (but not put work into saving my own life.) Why? I also don’t think I like myself. I thought I did, but with recent events, I don’t think that I do. I thought that liking how I looked meant I liked myself. Or eating well, really well. Or going to the gym. I thought these all meant that I loved myself. But I’m thinking it’s deeper than that. It’s going to be harder than just doing my makeup to feel pretty.” august 2019: I had just left an abusive partner. I had to move back in with my parents. I was so broke from moving myself and all my belongings across the country twice, belongs that I didn’t end up getting back until november. and I was aggressively becoming sicker and sicker. i was sick, without my things to comfort me, broke, and severely depressed. august 2020: top 0.45%, in my own place, healing my autoimmunity, healing my trauma, becoming more spiritual, following my dreams of becoming a photog, connecting more with my community instead of trying to force myself to fit into the vanilla world (self-acceptance), combating fear, and learning how to use my voice. oh, and i like myself today. i liked myself yesterday. and i might just like myself tomorrow. not to be dramatic or whatever but this is all because of you guys. it’s me, i’m def putting in the work but you guys lifted me to a spot where I could comfortably do the hard work. a place to where I feel SAFE to do the hard work. i’m able to heal and follow my dreams because of your support. so thanks for being here. thanks for august. so so so so much love ♡ see you in september ⟡ xoxo z