An absolutely delightful situation is unfolding right now. A..

An absolutely delightful situation is unfolding right now. A certain gentleman with certain national features—which I very much want to, but will refrain from mentioning publicly—messaged me, saying that I look good but could still work on myself, especially on my stomach area. He asked if there are gyms in my city.

Despite knowing that this gentleman is only distinguishable from the lower forms of life by the presence of pants in his profile pic, my initial emotions were heavy and negative. My regular followers know that self-acceptance, self-esteem, eating disorders and the struggle with excess weight have been a lifelong and deeply personal journey for me, one I never stop pursuing.

I lacked the willpower to ignore him, so at first, I snapped back, then I tried to explain that I go to the gym three times a week and even sent him a recent post where I discussed the root causes of excess weight in people. I had a faint hope that ignorance, not outright tactlessness, was at play here. But no—this gentleman decided to compare photos of his stomach to mine, point out that his abs are better defined, and claimed I don’t look like someone who works out.

That was when he was swiftly blocked, along with a formal report. The fact that I’m writing this post indicates how much the situation bothered me. I am furious. I am beyond irritated. This braindead signed up to follow my profile, didn’t bother to send me a single penny, and yet feels entitled to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. People like him? I swallow them whole for breakfast and tuck them into my belly button.

The funniest part is that he justified his garbage commentary by saying he just wanted to “help.” His helpful advice and wisdom were so useful to me that I sincerely hope he finds an expert in lobotomies to return the favor, though even that wouldn’t improve his condition.

As for you, my dear fans and friends, I adore you endlessly. In your honor, I devoured a chocolate Santa and a bucket of mac and cheese. And here’s another photo of my beautiful stomach—soft, warm, protecting me from injuries and the cold, designed for survival and bearing children. It’s also incredibly strong so I can handle real, heavy labor in real-life circumstances, unlike certain people who try to boost their egos at others’ expense online.