Good morning, my sweet kittens. We all know how much our bel..
Added 2024-12-04 10:56:39 +0000 UTCGood morning, my sweet kittens. We all know how much our beloved and beautiful platform, OnlyFans, cares about us. It doesn’t allow us to discuss harmful topics beyond the missionary position, use certain words that make up half of the language here, or talk about payment systems that take less than 20% of earnings… As a fairly new user, I was amazed by these sensible rules, and so I decided to run for the presidency of OnlyFans. When my term begins, I promise my voters the following actions:
1.A total ban on anal sex—because the butt was not created by God for such purposes.
2.A ban on masturbation—because corrupting oneself without producing offspring is sinful.
3.A ban on thrusting during sex—because these actions bring pleasure to the flesh, and the flesh is from Satan.
4.A ban on the display of genitals—because it corrupts the soul, and every viewer should gouge out their eyes.
5.A ban on nudity—every man and woman must wear a black sack over their entire body to resist temptation and stand against the devil.
6.A ban on speaking and laughing—so that your word does not stray from God’s word.
7.A ban on showing food—because gluttony is a sin.
8.A ban on eyes—because looking at others is an act of pride.
9.A ban on money transfers (except directly to me for noble purposes)—because money is the devil’s toy.
10.A ban on breathing, because all earthly life is from the devil, and we are destined for heavenly life.
Thus, on this site, the only permissible activity will be quietly reciting prayers to God together. We will all be saved and free from sin, as innocent as newborns. OnlyFans has already started moving in this direction, but as president, I will finish the job.
Vote for me! Together for a better future!
