Reflection 9th February Part 2:But there were also some posi..
Added 2025-02-11 23:44:32 +0000 UTCReflection 9th February Part 2:
But there were also some positive aspects. For example, the fact that Agoria felt the need to protect me shows how much our relationship has improved. Additionally, I managed to stay calm throughout the day. I cried, but I didn’t lash out verbally. Instead, I spent a lot of time kneeling on the floor, listening to my Master's outburst without taking most of it to heart, because I knew he was just releasing pressure. I could feel that he was deeply hurt as well, and it was important to me to be there for him, to endure and carry his emotions with him.
By the afternoon, emotions had settled enough, and we had an intense session—he fucked me hard and hurt me in various ways. It was a double-edged experience for me. I love this kind of sex, but sex after conflict can also trigger negative beliefs in me.
I spent the evening reading manga. When we went to bed, we lay next to each other reading, and he kept using a trigger word to make me horny over and over until I begged for sex. Then he made me suck his cock and afterward masturbated until he came. He then ordered me to sleep at the foot of the bed, rubbing and kissing his feet until we both fell asleep.
Emotionally, this was extremely challenging on multiple levels. First, I was still internally tense because we hadn’t fully talked about what had happened during the day. Then, there was the fact that begging is still difficult for me. Being made to beg for sex, only to then not be fucked and instead be "banished" to the foot of the bed, was really tough, and I struggled to stay in my place. I wanted to resist when he made me suck his cock, and I wanted to cry when he sent me to the foot of the bed. But I did neither. Instead, I focused on my place.
And in the end, it was good that he sent me there. It gave me something to do that allowed me to feel my place intensely while still being close to him and finding inner peace. I’m not into feet, but kissing and stroking his feet felt really good because, to me, it’s a sign of devotion and gratitude. And those feelings become even stronger when I do it.
