Since it's almost New Year, I want to take this opportunity ..

Since it's almost New Year, I want to take this opportunity to open up to you guys a bit more. I already bare every inch of my body for you - why not bare some of my soul as well? I won't lie, typically I'm pretty scared to talk to you guys about my personal life. My mental health struggles, deepest desires, habits (both good and bad), hobbies - I often feel like writing about these things is difficult. It almost feels like too much for me to share with you all, even though I spread my pussy for you nearly every day. Sometimes I feel like I'm hiding behind a mask, as if my whole personality on here is a facade. But then I realize it's just hard for me to bare everything to you because of my anxiety and almost-reclusive introversion. I try to be the most authentic me I can be on here, but I still have a long way to go to feel truly "myself." There are definitely quite a few of you who've managed to bring me out of my shell a bit, helping me down the path towards feeling more comfortable here. Acee sending me pictures of his latte art, Cleonidas sending me daily good morning messages, Camassia sending me appreciation tips, Pixisoup sharing his past with me, Slugga being incredibly understanding and open, speaking German with Sebastian - the list goes on... so many of you are genuinely such kind and caring people, and our little interactions mean a lot to me. It's thanks to you guys that I worked up the courage to write this post. Aaaaand this post is going to be quite a long one, so buckle your seatbelts... I set out to write this with the intention of sharing my New Year's resolutions and the things I want to accomplish in 2021, but since you guys don't all know me super well, I figure it would be best to share some of my past and present struggles for context. I'm not going to go too in-depth here, since there are still a lot of details I'm not comfortable sharing with everyone, but here goes: For most of my life, I have dealt with depression and severe generalized anxiety. I had been self harming regularly for as long as I can remember, up until just a couple years ago - I have had a couple relapses, but I'm incredibly proud of my progress. As of right now I'm 6 months clean, and working my hardest to keep it that way. I have also struggled with anorexia in the past, and I'm currently the heaviest I've ever been. I am overweight at the moment, so it has had a huge impact on my self esteem over the past couple of months, but I'm working on trying to embrace my body while also losing weight in a healthy way, without compulsively counting calories and restricting my intake to the extreme. So basically, in 2021, I'm going to strive to be the healthiest me I can be - physically and mentally. I've been feeling kind of shitty these past few months, especially with the pandemic and my dad's passing, but I'm still leagues above where I was a couple years ago. Surely, there's always room for improvement, but I really just want to feel happier, healthier, and comfortable in my own body. I want to feel comfortable showing my own personality online. And above all I just want to feel like ME, because I never truly have before. I'm going to work my hardest at these resolutions and goals for the year: - Lose 30 pounds in a safe and healthy way - Exercise every day; at least a little yoga or a walk - Nourish my body and stay hydrated - Journal my negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones - Put more creativity into my work and create content that artistically expresses my sexuality - Build more friendships with fellow content creators who I can connect with - Be less afraid to be myself Do you have anything you want to accomplish in 2021? Feel free to share, and I'll cheer you on :)