Sigh… Where to begin? I’m sorry guys again it’s just been a ..

Sigh… Where to begin? I’m sorry guys again it’s just been a really tough go for me I’m sure if you look back in past posts I did mention that I was waiting to see a psychiatrist which was on September 8 . Prior to that I was trying to mentally prepare myself for this appointment that I didn’t have high hopes for but I had hoped that things would go somewhat better than I anticipated but sadly to say, my mental health appointment did not go well, and it brought me into a Great Depression. I’ve just been really struggling this month more than normal. I help people that struggle with mental health can somewhat relate I understand what if it was like to be undiagnosed and unmedicated and have no doctor or people willing to help you. I’m 30 years old and I’ve been struggling with this for too long but I finally just decided to give up trying after this last failed attempt to get help. Another thing has been that I’ve also had to be a caregiver to my spouse for the last several days because he injured himself so he could barely walk and move so that was quite a bit of stress in itself so I’ve had no time to myself to do anything if I wanted to. On top of that, two of my family members recently just got Covid so needless to say it’s been really really hard emotional last several weeks for me. I feel like complete utter shit that I haven’t been able to provide you with more posts on here as of lately . I hate that I get like this when I have chaos that happens in my life but it’s the only way I cope and manage. I’m trying my best to stop managing my stresses way and get better with pushing through but I have decided that I am giving up on my mental health journey of trying to get the help that I need because doctors don’t want to fucking help me , so I don’t wanna give myself any more reasons to want to try and disappear so I just got a try and push through the bullshit deal with it. I have lots of content that I have not been able to post yet on due to my mental health and head not being on straight. I don’t want to be posting anything that I have posted already for promotion on Reddit so I have lots of great stuff coming for you guys! I just needed to get my head in a bit more straight first. I’m really fucking hoping that moving forward October things will get better for me when I just accept that I can’t do anything about shot and just gotta suffer thru. I know I say that every month they things will get better but I’m just starting to accept that fact that I have a really chaotic life and not much is going to change with it so I just have to roll with it, adapt to it, and just suffer through it and push through I guess 🤷‍♀️ Please just remember that we are all human, we’re not perfect and kindness does go along way. please be understanding because I never have any intentions of ripping people off by any means. I’m just very mentally unwell at times and it it’s a big struggle for me.