need a little vent moment. I don’t ever post stuff like this..

need a little vent moment. I don’t ever post stuff like this so please don’t judge. Just got into a huge verbal altercation with my spouse.. I have a really toxic home life.. I have to hault on answering messages today since all he says I do is fucking sit on my phone and says I don’t clean the house or do anything.. also last night the truck we share, the alternator crapped out on it now needs to get fixed so he’s all pissed about that and I’m the one paying for it when I hardly use the truck Becuase he’s always fucking using it for work. He bitches at the house is never clean or anything when I can never leave the house because he’s always gone to fucking work so I can never take shit to the garbage dump or get rid of stuff I no longer need or go buy groceries or do anything that I need to doBy the time he’s done work everything is always closed and he forgets when I ever tell him I need to do anything and then tells me I’m shit outta luck. A lot of the times I feel like I’m just stranded at the house because I live on the highway in the middle of nowhere basically and I don’t live close to town so for over 10 years I’ve been sharing a vehicle with my spouse who works full-time and I really need to fucking get myself in my own fucking vehicle so I feel more independent because he won’t even take me to Jamie‘s on Friday when I told him for the last two weeks now that I’ve needed to go to Jamie‘s on Friday and he told me that I need to pay for a fucking cab or take the bus there which I also still need to get groceries going there so I have to take a cab there which is going to cost me at least 100 and some odd dollars between going there and also going to a grocery store and back so like that could be a full tank of fucking gas and I’m spending that one trip for one cab ride well two cab rides I should say. I’ve been saying my household is really dysfunctional because I haven’t been able to buy furniture and stuff to keep the house as clean as I want it to be because now I don’t live in town but now it’s damn near impossible for me to do anything when he’s never home and when he gets home it’s too late and all the stores are always closed for me to do anything I always have to work my schedule around him I always have to work my appointments around him but he never tells me what his days are and then he forgets when I tell him I need to do stuff so it’s just been a really hard time and I’m really sorry for anybody that I have an answered any messages too I’m just living a really fucking toxic. I told him that I have a mental illness and he literally responded with “you do it to yourself” I know it’s so easy just to tell me get out of it you can do better all that stuff but there’s more to it than that I’ve dealt with us for 12 years the same person believe me I’ve tried I’m just not strong enough