I don't mean to sound all depressy today on Easter but I wa..

I don't mean to sound all depressy today on Easter but I wanted to mention why I haven't been the most active the last little bit. April is always. Tough month for me. its the month my grandfather committed suic*de 12 years ago. It's also his birthday month, and also it's my grandma birthday month and my sister birthday month as well. Also it's my nephews 11th birthday on May 5th. So as you can imagine that's hard for me because I live in British Columbia and haven't seen my family in over 12 years. I've been dealing with severely bad mental health since around December since I've moved because my new place has been nothing but a shit show and my own personal life with my spouse isn't slice of pie either. It's super stressful, toxic, dysfunctional and complicated but I've been dealing with it for 12 years as well so needless to say I'm a little bit a mess at times. So if I'm ever chatting with you and I become distant or you don't see me acting like myself, please don't take it personally. Just know I got ALOT going on in my life and I don't wanna just sit here and constantly whine, nag, botch, vent, complain about it when thats not what your here for. Believe me, if you did something and I was upset at you I would tell you. I don't just ghost peoppe when I'm mad at them. I only ghost peoppe when I got shot going on and I'm not in the head space to have a conversation. I know I need to get better at letting you guys know when I'm not in a good head space so people dont take things the wrong way if they don't hear from me. I know a lot of you care and. I should just learn to be better at pretending that things are okay or not taking time off when my head isn't in straight or things or right up there. Life is just so unfair and I hate how I allow myself to get treated or allow myself to live this way at times.. but at the end of the day we are always gonna just keep continuing to do what we know. I have to learn how to live in this dysfunctional life and make it work. I wish I was just better at being able to cope thru bad and still get the shit done I need when my head is in complete shambles