emmahircine

David's father has three sons: Snap, Crackle and _____?

David's father has three sons: Snap, Crackle and _____?

What word contains 26 letters but only has three syllables?A..

What word contains 26 letters but only has three syllables?

Alphabet.

I have a neck, but no head. I have two arms, but no hands. W..

I have a neck, but no head. I have two arms, but no hands. What am I?

A shirt.

Why do cats make good warriors?Because they’ve got nine live..

Why do cats make good warriors?

Because they’ve got nine lives

What has a head but no brain?Lettuce.

What has a head but no brain?

Lettuce.

I'm sweet and cold with a stick to hold; a treat on a hot da..

I'm sweet and cold with a stick to hold; a treat on a hot day, worth more than gold. What am I?

Popsicle.

I'm not a blanket, yet I cover the ground; a crystal from he..

I'm not a blanket, yet I cover the ground; a crystal from heaven that doesn't make a sound. What am I?

Snowflake.

What gets smaller every time it takes a bath?Soap

What gets smaller every time it takes a bath?

Soap

I hate insect puns, they really bug me.

I hate insect puns, they really bug me.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A..

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.

My computer’s got the Miley virus. It’s stopped twerking.

My computer’s got the Miley virus. It’s stopped twerking.

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A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got myshelf to blame.

A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got myshelf to blame.

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🎥Want a simple video archive? Not fussed about lives🔴, rates..

🎥Want a simple video archive? Not fussed about lives🔴, rates🍆 or sexting💦?
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I had a job tying sausages together, but I couldn’t make end..

I had a job tying sausages together, but I couldn’t make ends meat.

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My ex still misses me. But his aim is steadily improving mor..

My ex still misses me. But his aim is steadily improving more and more each day. Huzzah!

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but the..

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and it gave ..

eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and it gave me 13,749 matches.

This one's only for the TRUE LATINA LOVERS 🍑emmabff FREE to ..

This one's only for the TRUE LATINA LOVERS 🍑
emmabff FREE to join ⬇️

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I recently heard about a mannequin that lost all of his frie..

I recently heard about a mannequin that lost all of his friends. He was too clothes minded.

My mate and his cross eyed wife ust got a divorce. He found ..

My mate and his cross eyed wife ust got a divorce. He found out she was seeing someone on the side.

Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak.

Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak.

I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is abou..

I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen… I can feel it.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he..

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave bro..

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

You know how there's a theory that no two people see a colou..

You know how there's a theory that no two people see a colour the exact same way?

Does that mean that the colour is a pigment of your imagination?

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. S..

I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. She said, “Oui.”