Lol JFC my phone died right before I could save and lost my whole post even tho my charger was literally right next to me lol thanks adhd brain!
ANYWAY today's been rough I've had some kind of bad vestibular or stomach migraine and couldn't get done what I'd hoped but wanted to at least share these cute lil selfies I took one morning at Bee's!
I'm four round of meds deep so I think I've got a couple mins of functionality to finish this and conk out 🤞🏻
Also even tho I missed my cats a lot it was great to still have some furry derp in my life, plus hes so frickin cuteeee. He didn't know if he was allowed in my room so he gave me puppy eyes from the doorway till I told him he could come in 🥰😭
PS can you tell I'm not wearing a bra or knickers with this lil onesie ? Hehe
PPS those black things are support braces, they help stabilize my hypermobile joints so it's less painful and safer to move!
Fall vibes!
I took a chance on this lingerie set bcs it looked soft and it was only five bucks for both even tho the colours a bit out of my comfort zone hahah. The bra is soooo comfy tho (and a lil see thru but no complaints here) but the bottoms aren't the most flattering on my proportions, they dig in weird where they want to sit but aren't loose enough to wear high comfy either lolll. Kinda getting some 90s vibes for sure from the style and not much of that decade is flattering for my body type so that checks out 😅.
I tried it with some olive green knickers in a more flattering cut in the last couple pics instead tho and I think I like that combo better, what about you?
PS Woo bless past Clara for making a queued post, still working on Wednesday and Lunara content but I'm also really wiped from the work marathon this week (I'll post a story catch up post when I can if you missed the bts) so I'm having to be careful and force myself to take it easy too, if you're waiting to hear back from me I haven't forgotten I'm just a bit slower rn and appreciate your patience 💕
Psssst new cos alert!
I don't know if I'm gonna pull this off, and I'm still missing an item, but I got it stuck in my head I could manage a cute low key version fairly low spoon. Also twitter. Blame twitter haha. I had my hair like this the other day and Twitter was pretty hyped at the concept of ginger Angelina Jolie Lara croft vibes, or Clara Croft should I say bahha. Only issue is I have to do it before I get a lot of my hair length chopped next weekend (to help w migraines) bcs this is the longest my hair has ever been,, or probably will ever will again! Hence the slight urgency (and my uncertainty I can make everything in time)
And I mean of course nothing has gone to plan haha, the shorts I ordered were a million sizes too big even though I got a "small", and I can't find a pair I know I own that would be perfecf for the life of me and its driving me up the wall! I'm gonna have to do it with gym shorts and it's gonna bother me so much lollll I guess I can use this as another opportunity to deprogram perfectionist brain but I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT *grumpy pout* haha
Also thought I could order a cheap Halloween knock off belt but no such luck, I knew I didn't have time to free hand the design so I found a 3D car decal that was close and used a bunch of worbla to make a buckle, trying to at least find the silver lining in not being able to leave today that I had a little extra time to prop build since I can do that in my reclined (heated) armchair mini work space I have set up (a million cushions, a laptop table and a lil desk clamp light I can set to really warm yellow and low so it is easy on the eyes and doesn't give me a migraine) even when I'm so low on spoons I can barely stand👍🏻
Here's the WIP so far, not entirely sure how I'm going to attach the buckle to the belt yet bcs it's quite skinny haha but that's a tomorrow problem!
(okay it's actually tomorrow now and I nailed it, check out the mirror pics at the end!). Had quite a few silly hiccups making it and it's far from perfect but for this I think it's "good enough" all things considered! The painting anf shading definitely helps hehe
What do you think about Clara Croft? ☺️
I remember being absolutely obsessed with her when the first movie came out, she was so gorgeous but still did all the cool tomboy things I liked. The first not a princess role badass lady role model, really made an impression. I was obsessed with her eyes too, I cut her picture out of a magazine and tried so hard to do her awesome eye makeup (and failed miserably bcs there was no YouTube and I was raised by a single dad Hahaha)
Anyway I cut up the crappy belt and holsters that came with the black widow suit and attached them to this belt and think they look half decent! Btw how do you like my soeanally confusing cat leggings? Haha like the colour palette is very fall but it's got a bunch of snowflakes on them like what 😂
Anyway got it all packed up and I'm omw to Bees so hopefully with their help I'll manage a mini shoot of croft this week, but I also plan to shoot naughty Lunara (my dark elf) as well so we'll have to see how spoons go!
As you can see in the last pic packing was a fricking gargantuan undertaking, that's not even everything!
PS check my story for nekkid ridiculous shenanigans hahah
I have some exciting news!
I didn't wanna say anything till it was closer bcs even tho we've been planning this for several months I didn't wanna get hopes up if something fell through.
Anyway I am super excited to announce I'm going to be staying with Bee (@overlairbee) for a few days to hopefully have a little mental health recharge and get some work help.
I haven't stayed over anywhere more than a couple of nights in yrs, definitely not since I've gotten so sick so it's really nerve-wracking trying to account for various body mishaps and packing accordingly. It's taken ages to get my apt set up to be less stressful on my little cripple body so it's definitely daunting to think of trying to adapt in a new place. Bee is being a super good sport as I've been bombarding them with questions about their space/preferences/logistics to try and figure out the least stuff I need to pack but it's still a lot!
Also don't talk to me about being away from my fur children for that long I am absolutely not happy about going a few days without kitty snuggles, so Bee is just gonna have to love me extra to distract me haha
There's also a lot I wanted to have done before I left work wise but ofc there's been a few hiccups in the mix and I'm a bit behind again.
My type A brain keeps trying to pack stuff to shoot or work on and before I know it suddenly my pack pile has ten looks to shoot and I gotta remind myself the main object of this trip is to hopefully get some healing done, and def not wearing myself into the ground overbooking content creation!
Urgh fam, I haven't let myself think of this trip beyond logistics yet bcs I can't take much more big let downs right now but maybe if don't say it out loud we're still ok haha. This isolation from friends and other creatives has really been taking a toll on my health, mental especially. I need a lot of alone time bcs I run down easy, I feel things intensely so it can be draining depending on who I'm around, but I still abosultely need contact to feel okay. This whole pandemic I've only been able to hug my mum once, and a friend once (only just a couple months ago). I don't click with a lot of ppl but when I do I am a super affectionate person, esp physically. I've brought more tham one friend over to the dark side of platonic cuddles and they're always like "dam I've been missing out" haha.
And then creative friends on top of that nourish my soul in a unique way Esp when working on stuff together we always end up with something greater than the sum of its parts or anything either of us could have done alone.
And a layer beyond that, esp these days, when I'm spending time with someone who also has chronic health issues it's so much easier, there's so much you don't have to explain extra bcs they just get it.
And whaddya kno Bee's all three 😭 like not to put too much pressure on em or anything but my body actually aches thinking about how long it's been since I just had a joyful putting on makeup gab, or lingerie try on huggles, like I'm just rly excited ok ☺️
I've had some personal struggles I haven't been able to get into here on top of everything going to heck the last few weeks so I've rly been struggling w basic stuff and I'm also excited about the extra help, hopefully mildly sanity inducing!
So I'm sure Clara work brain is gonna win and shoot a couple looks at least but I'm gonna try rly fricking hard to focus on pacing and not pushing my body to do stuff that's gonna harm it (which I guess applies to prepping too *nervously glances at 6 page todo list* shhh ok maybe I need to redo that)
Oh and FYI Bee's pronouns are they/them just to allay any confusion 💕
PS did I mention THEYVE GOT A HOTTUB?! praise the slutty achey God's I'm hyped. Lucky I got that new bikini ehhhhh 😈💦
PPS OMG HOW COULD I FORGET ALSO THEY HAVE A COFFIN WHICH IS PRETTY COOL but I don't know if I have thr spoons to shoot in it haha if I did tho what kind of a look should it be? I mean vampire is the obvious choice but are there any I'm missing?
FYI if you're not following my free page too just a heads up there's a fun poll going to pick the colour of a spicey lil shirt!
https://onlyfans.com/222871834/claracosmiafree
PS if the poll isn't going your way tip me $45 and I'll get another one in a specific colour you want and send some taken just for you selfies when I get it :) if you tip a lil extra maybe I'll take some piccies with the top off for you too 😈
I finally got a new bikini bcs it was 12 bucks for this 3 piece and that seemed like a good investment hehe Esp for another shower show!
Managed to have a lil try in inbetween bad migraines, Woo, win!
The bottoms are cut a lil weird, however, if I wear them where they want to sit on my hips they highlight my lil tummy pudge that I'm a bit self conscious about(but trying to get better, hence sharing the not flat tummy pics too, dis the real me), but they are def flattering on me arse so that's a win and the lil sheer skirt is so dang cute! I'm also a total convert to this new bra top trend bcs this one def makes con and fusion look quite nice if I do say so myself!
I very rarely post bikini pics, what do you think?
So my hair is ridiculously long now, it's a bit too much to take care of (hence the latest two week space between being able to wash it haha) but I def gotta love how gorg it looks fresh after I wash it!
Def got some ginger Brooklyn shields from blue lagoon vibes dontcha think? Haha fun fact did you know they used extra hair extention for that movie and had to glue the hair to her bobs so it didn't keep having nip slips haha
I've wanted long curly hair my whole life so these natural waves and this cut is pretty close to my dream hair 😍 I know it may not seem like much but I have nerve damage on my scalp (pressure on the sensitive area can cause migraines very easily) and had to have pixie cuts a lot growing up just to deal w the pain so finding a stylist that can do sneaky thinning magic (I have about 40% only of my natural volume bcs of how much he cuts out in special places that don't ruin the flow) was a really big deal and I'm pretty attached to my hair hehe
However I am also itching to try something new soooo there may be some changes soon who knows 😈
PS ignore the voice lip I'm just testing it out to see if I can use it to narrate a bigger bts post (I'm working on three right now and the number of pics in the posts is getting a bit overwhelming haha and I already broke Lunara into two!) and lil Arthur clip to see how it handles playing clips w the voiceover
Woof, I've had a rough couple days of pain flares from my reduced meds so it's been a lot of heating pad burrito for me just trying to keep myself fed and alive lol I think I hit a new record for how long I couldn't wash my hair for almost hit 2 weeks oooo boy. I finally had enough spoons and time between migraines to do it yesterday so even tho my body still feels like I'moving in 10x earth gravity I feel a lot better without a new ecosystem developing on my head haha
Anyway, Im still trying to figure out where to fit the noodz black widow shoot amongst all the holiday themed stuff I've been working on (Wednesday and Lunara) but in the meantime here's some cute n a lil hawt WIP shots I took when I was working on the full catsuit version this summer!
I had not yet decided if I was doing MCU or Comic style for this one so I tried it with a mocked together a comic style belt to see how it would look, I ended up deciding to do the full look MCU inspired and the wet lewd look comic inspired!
If you wanna see more widow stuff check the tags I went back thru and added them to the widow posts I could find, just check the one labelled "black widow" (but there may be some I missed haha no promises you may wanna take a dig into my summer posts anyway)
PS I'm a bit behind on PM's again and OF is being a problem person as always haha bear w me I appreciate your patienceeeee, you all mean so much to me and I can't want to hear what you think about what I've been working on 💕
PPS these are all unedited with some light makeup, I was having a good skin day!
Classic Wednesday Addams construction BTS peek
The top part is actually made of 4 sections: the white collar sewn into a lace bra, a push up bra on top, and then the black shrug. First clip is just the collar and sheer bra w some sneaky nips, second pic is is without the shrug, and last is all together!
I'm proud of the way I designed it tho, the lace flows together and kinda looks like one piece which I loveee. This shoot was a couple yrs back now but I vividly remember spending freaking hours (and beating up many joints) trying on like 20 lingerie combinations before I found this combination. I never know specifically what I'm looking for but I know how to tweak, each 'nah not that one' gives me a different idea to try and eventually it just clicks and looks 'right'. It matches my vision even thought my vision didn't start out as a clear picture... If that makes a shred of sense? Haha it's always odd trying to explain one's creative process that's for sure!
Also yea I know Wednesday is super overdone and it's not even Oct anymore but idc bcs we are keeping it spoopy the rest of the gosh darn yr! And I also feel that it's just my duty as a basic bish thot to give you as much tawdry Wednesday content at possibly hehe
I AM SO PROUD OF THIS SHOT I HAD TO SHARE
I kno, I'm the worst with creating suspense around my drops I just get overexcited and wanna share w you like gushing to a pal about a new passion project haha 🥰 couldn't wait till the whole set is done I guess hehe so enjoy this lil Halloween booty bonus
(this shoot took about 4 months work and 2 days to build and shoot )
Btw as well as the new extra lewds I took this week I'm also making a new set of this first Wednesday shoot for yous all with our elaborate set from a couple yrs back, which is the set this pic is from (some from previous patreon sets and some never seen before!)
📸 Tim Bermingham
PS if I can russle up the spoons I'll try and drop the Jessica Hamby set straight to the main feed tonight for Max slutty spoopness
PPS I'm keeping most of my content spoopy themed till the end of the yr so this is only the start! I'll be dropping Wednesday over the next couple weeks and then Lunara my dark elf OC is my next shoot and hopefully I'll get some goth Mrs Claus done in the for Xmas but either way we got that cute & spicey Xmas elves with rose Moon comin too :)
Pretty hyped to give in to my goth side for these looks hehe
I am a burrito of pain but I can hobble walk so the flare wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be, so even tho I'm suffering w a migraine on top of it all I'm super proud of myself! it'll be a bit till I'm even semi functional but it's still a win! I think all the extra effort I put in to being safe (timers and many braces and heating pad breaks) actually helped mitigate the resulting flare g!
Anyway my point is even tho I'm rough, it's not as bad as expected for how much shooting I did, and I know I said I gotta recover before I can post all the fun Bts, but I got super impatient and had to edit a couple actual pics to share with you hehe
HAPPY HALLOWEEN MY LOVELY COSMIANAUTS thank you for being here as always, I really love the community we have here and I'm so grateful to you all for helping me build it... I have some plans I'm working on to have an even more connected/supportive community that are going frustratingly very slow bcs of all my health flares and life hiccups but hopefully I can get to a place Soon I can share it bcs I'm really hyped :)
Watcha think? I also shot a few spicey shots with some visible (albeit furry) 🙀 💋 if you catch my drift 🙈 I'm super nervous to share but I really like poking my boundaries gently here and your positive feedback honestly helps my comfort levels so much 🥰
PS
How do you feel about glare in the third pic? What on earth could you have said to illicit such an expression?! 😂
PPS I originally planned to wear my black and grey Wednesday wig for this but my head hurt too much so I figured I'd use my hair and then do the set in B&W so it looks right but honestly I'm kinda really digging the vibe of these edits with the ginger so that may be the new plan Hmmm....
Goodness this has been such a struggle! You know when you miss your turn and the gps is all 'recalculating"? That's what I have to do 20 times a day with how unpredictable my health stuff is on top of everything else complicated in my life. It's bloody endlessly exhausting, 😔 & I've also had a few rly bad depr ssion flare days so that's a fun new toeture to deal w on top of everything! I'm trying to remind myself rest isn't bad and I'm still getting a little done each day, I'm doing my best, and to be kind to myself despite the voices that say I'm useless and not worthwhile
ANYWAY onto content, so our only spoopy noodz set was gonna be Lunara but that's postponed a few days bcs a lotta life happened. .. Ok I'll try the Coles notes veriond... So I realised I was still way too sick to manage shooting both the Lunara cosplay anf the noodz set sy the same time. So okay afjust and split it up svufule two shoot days. But then it'd a tonne of hair and makeup work I don't have the spoons to do twice... Okay adjust again maybe do a lighter makeup look for thr noodz and the bigger makeup for the in location full cosplay shoot!
JK Can't do the full shoot on location like planned bcs even in 3 layers just scouting it for a couple minutes had me turning blue and shaking for an hour so doing it half naked was clearly gonna put me in the hospital... ok no worries adjust again, I'll try and get a studio. Nope everything has Xmas decor already okay I'll try and get some backdrops and build a set at home? Nope fuck K, all the ones I want take too long to get here.
Finally found a backdrop that got he re in time but I have had so many migraines I didn't have time to finish the Lunara props before the scheduled shoot day (yesterday)... Okay well I haven't shot Wednesday noodz do maybe let's try that!
Nope the wig will give me a migraine... Okay no worries ginger hair and then edit B&W okay okay this could work! JK again massive fatigue flare and migraine on shoot day I could barely move. So adjust yet again Resched for next day, dust myself off, sigh heavily. Anyway After a whioe day of crying but kinda resting I finally managed to get a mini set built to shoot miss Addams
It's been a fun week 😃
Pls send all your best slutty spoopy vibes my way so I can pull this dang thing off!
Keep an eye on my story for bts 💕 with your support and my stubbornness I know we'll get thru this 😅
And don't worry I'm keeping things spoopy round here till the end of the year so you'll still see the Lunara sets just a smidge later than planned, but then again when does anything go according to plan looool
PS I wanna do a live soon but I also don't think I'm up for a normal show, would you be down to have a more chill night, maybe just have Bob flashes be the only menu item to keep it easier for me and we can just play silly games or something?
Lunara WIP continues...
I took a big gamble and finally ordered a couple things off shein for this look., notably the naughty lingerie set (full boob and crotchless, hella hawt) and the flowy skirt. I'm honestly pretty surprised by the quality and I think it's totally bringing my vision to life better than the earlier look!
Also the less fabric the item has the more complicated it is to put on hahah I'm pretty sure you're supposed to wear the crotchless knickers like the first pic but all the example pics of ppl with it on were wearing it like the second pic so idfk hahah. Also everything came very creased so I've been slowly trying to steam it out but its hard on my arms so I can only do a little at a time, it took me two weeks to do a small backdrop haha, but slow and steady wins the race ehhh?
Experimented with the leg wraps but I don't think I like them for this look.... still haven't nailed it quite yet but we're so close!
Also been working on some body jewelry for one of the noodz looks! I'll PM out some uncensored BTS when I can but for now what do you think of the look?
Next BTS post on the ears, crown, and shoot locale! squeeeee I can't wait to show you ^_^
ps I couldn't get at my dressform so my emoji pillow had to do to steam against hahha also this is the first ever bra I've had like this and I dunno how but somehow I can't unsee my bobs looking like monster eyes, is my brain being ridiculous or do you see it too? hahaha
pps had a rough couple of days,my insurance rejected my application to get my pain med IVs covered so that's still super stressful, along with everything deciding to flare up I could barely form a sentence most of the time. I've got an IV today tho so even though I'm not sure how to pay for it at least I will get some relief from this hellish pain flare. I hate feeling so trapped when all I want to do is create and help ppl but my body is too sick :(
Jessica Hamby from true bl0od...
Tell me I'm not the only one that rewatched that red riding hood scene like a hundred times hehe
Got a super hot mini set of this look in just pasties with wax drips coming soooon
PS I've got two more updates coming to explain a bit more about what's been going on but in the meantime I rly appreciate everyones sweet words and encouragement.
I'm rly struggling but you all bring a light to my life, tha K you 😭🥰💋
PPS if you're new & a spoonie/disabled pls comment & let me know (or pm me if you don't want to publicly, this is a safe space but I get the apprehension!) it brings an extra warm smile to my heart when we have a new health challenged member in our community :)
Okay so I tried that side ways bikini top trick every thottie has been doing this summer, I was so skeptical but I think I am a believer now what about you? 🙌🏻
Granted not the best top pattern to do it with... Should I maybe get a new bikini?
PS ignore the grey marks on my chest/ribs I had those electrodes on for 3 days for a holtor test and the adhesive was a bish to get off
Elven vampire 2.0: Lunara first looks!
Tried various combinations of black and crimson lingerie to work on an updated look but nothing felt quite right I think I'm still on the hunt...
But anywayyyy I couldn't decide on her name for awhile, but then I thought ok this OC vision I have in my head has a very like confident seductress vibe, close to Fireflys Inaras disposition... So I took that and I smushed it with Luna for moon/night connotations which gave me Lunara and I am pretty proud of myself haha I super loveeeee it
I wanted it to have a complex balance of delicate, bamf, ethereal, and old world... just like her and I think it covers all those bases
The last few weeks have been pretty dark for me and ironically working on this dark look has helped immensely, it's been a little pocket of light for me. And its been so awesome to work on an original character for you guys too even tho i've been having to work on it a miniscule amount at a time (which is incredibly frustrating as you can imagine but it also gives me more time to take bts for you so get hyped for some bts mini blogs coming soon)!
More on the original concept in my post here
However I'm not rly sure what this species is....
Elven vampire? Vampire faerie? Vamp fae? What do you think? haha
PS don't mind my resting bitch face I was focused on thinking about looks haha and my pain levels weren't the best so it needed a lot of concentration
Happy Wednesday my lovelies!
Lots of naughty Miss Addams content in working on releasing for Halloweeeeeeen including a professional set and live show clips of a lewd (nipnoots out) ginger version, peeked some of them and they're raaaather spicey 🔥
Squeeeeeee this is my favorite time of yr and I can't wait to share it w yous 💕
The universe has been working extra hard at its obstacles, and I may have gotten knocked on my arse a lot but s but I'm fighting
So I a few weeks ago I found these pics of this elven vampire I did a couple yrs back and I've fallen in love with the vibe again!
This was such a fun concept, my Cosmians actually picked it by accident lol I had a vote for what I should cos for a live stream but vampire and faerie tied so this creature was born hahah
Got a bit obsessed and decided I wanted to shoot a 2.0 version for Halloween content! Are you excited??
I've been working whenever I can on her so far but I've been so sick it's been just a few mins here and there over the last few weeks but I've been taking WIP clips so I can make some posts for you and proud to say I've made a bit of progress so stay tuuuuuned!
What's your fav fantasy character?
PS don't forget to scroll over for the spicey clip, which 🖐️ print wins? My right butt cheek is omega and my left is alpha hehe
As per our traditions, nuddie on main when life has made me be away for a bit, fighting fires and ensuring needed rest (firmly, bcs I'm stubborn and still think I can push thru when I can't) 💪🏻
This way we can all be less sad I've been gone if this is what happens when I pop back up hehe plus it helps reinforce to my brain that this is safe (instead of the regular "you haven't posted in 3 weeks they all hate you, delete your acct and burn your pc" commentary) :)
Woof well, it would appear I did the thing again where think everyone is only here for arse (which you've proven me wrong on time and time again but mental health a bitch of liar haha) so I don't post bcs I'm too sick and don't wanna be a downer but I do still want to share what's going on etc so was waiting till felt well enough to record video update so at least it's like we're spending more intimate time together but considering I'm still not there I think imma admit defeat and commit to text!
I've been writing updates for weeks, I've got like 5 dif google notes going to cover all the shit that's been going on bcs somehow my life went even more off the rails (shocker I know). I'd finally get an update almost done but then three other fires had happened, I'd have to rest a bit, and before I knew it days and days were gone. The last month has been one of the worst of my life, just trying to survive has taken everything, and I ain't had no gentle stroll thru life so that says a lot hah
If you've been watching my slow mental collapse on twitter you know losing my pain meds and my best friend (fight, not dead) did not hit me well, but what you didn't see is that I have been chipping away at working on spoopy content for my Cosmianauts here!!
Creative darkness I know will bring joy has been the sliver of hope I've been clinging to. It lights my dark days, I literally fall asleep planning designs and stuff in my head to keep the anxiety demons at bay (not... Always helpful, but sometimes).
Hoping I'll be able to wrap up some updates and posts soon but in the meantime know I'm still working my lil arse off but I'm really struggling physically and mentally with a plethora of illnesses flared/inadequately medically managed, so I appreciate you being gentle and patient with me so much 😭🥰
More later but the short version is the mini stroke flare overlapped with my 2nd dose vax flare to create excruciating pain & weakness, I was bed bound again for a few days and i didn't handle it well mentally, personal issues (w someone in my support structure) rly messing with me, cPTSD flared from medical and personal stuff, government pulled funding from my main pain med w no warning (the one that was the only reason I was able to do 6m of rehab to learn to walk again) and it's 3k a month w/o coverage fuk me amirite, and then I've been having a very hard time with my best friend, they're my main support but at the present we're not on the terms needed for me to lean on them. Sigh.
And during all that here's a fun little example of how physical ailments can spiral fast when you're chronically ill:
Allergies flared, caused sneezing fit which partially dislocated a rib, intense pain flare, couldn't sleep, worse pain, tried to reset but just flared/spazzed into neck, massive migraine, can't eat, anxiety flare, seizes muscles more, more pain, can't breathe, super fun time. Been dealing with the severe rib issues for almost two months now, causally getting stabbed if I breathe too deeply, JUST BCS I SNEEZED WEIRD FFS omg like come on universe gimmie a break lol, speaking of breaks I do not get, last week I tripped over Arthur, and injured myself pretty badly, twisted by bad knee, jammed my hip out of its socket it was not a good time SO IT'S BEEN A LOT
Anyway in the midst of my t0rture and fog I have had some time to think about how I want to shape our space here and without giving too much away, I really love our community, but I want to level it up even more and make something special here Esp for anyone struggling w chronic illness or neurodivergence💕
Of course if you just wanna stick for the smut that's totes cool feel free to ignore the mushy community stuff, but I do hope you'll join us in helping each other to make our lives just a lil better 🤗
PS trying to catch up on PM's now hold tight I'm still having issues with how OF sorts them I try and always respond to tips asap they're my top priority obvs, but it keeps glitching and burying them so pls bear w me 🥺
PS how ridiculously long is my hair now??
Tl;Dr free nood to celebrate coming back after health stuff KOed me for a bit 🎉, the TOS changes are a cluster fuck but I'm not going anywhere right now, I've been having really bad health issues but they're slowly easing (good vibes appreciated to keep recovering) XTRA DIRTY content AVAILABLE ONLY FOR SEPT including clips from GG lives & Cherlene amongst others, maybe new platform TBD depending on OF
(Its taken me like a week to write this post so I bear with me if it's a lil disjointed 💕)
So I'm sure most of you have heard about all the messed up changes going on here for sex workers last week.
I was having a super rough week already mental health/physical health wise these flares have been whooping me arse :( I can barely walk or feed myself and then I keep having to spend all my spoons on medical stuff. Like it just took me a week with a helper btwn 4 offices to renew a migraine med that still ended up fucking me over and being 4 days late, it never stopppssss when they say being sick is a full time job they aren't kidding, however it's also a job you have to pay thousands a month to do so like honestly it's super not a good career choice 0/10 do not recommend
Anyway my anxiety around my work is at an all time high and I'm feeling really bad about how little I've gotten done of what I had wanted to do for the last few weeks but I keep telling myself it was a bunch of shitty circumstances and not my fault :( I didn't ask to have a mini stroke and get knocked on my arse, sigh even as im typing that it still feels like my fault lol whelp that's internalized ableism for ya I guess
I still don't know how the dust is gonna settle but for now I'm trying to organize my spicest content to sell here before Oct 1st & remove some dirtier stuff from my feed in case they flip flop again, and will be trying to get another platform for security since rn this is literally how I keep a roof over my head and meds to keep me alive
SO THAT IS TO SAY if you've been missing my content you'd best start saving bcs I'm aiming to have a lot of my dirtiest smut for sale for this month only (possibly available later but it depends on the platforms so if you want to make sure you don't miss it plan to grab it in Sept) incld:
📍 GG sexy live makeouts and oils shows and such ridiculousness fun with Rose
📍 Cherlene topless album (the rocket pops scene) and live show recording as well as a sfw album
📍 Super hot casual selfie nood tease clips (here's where you get the 😺 peeks)
📍 Caticorn smut
📍 Live shower show full recording
📍 Black Widow cosplay sets (and noodz if I can get them shot)
📍 Lush live show clips
It's gonna be a busy month so I'm just trying to figure out how to pace it around my health needs which is obviously challenging when they change so often sigh
I've just been so foggy and fatigued I barely know my name and I just so desperately want a functional brain for a couple hours so I can hold enough info in my head at once to do big picture planning bcs right now I feel so overwhelmed and like I'm trying to build a house of cards on one of those spinning teacup rides hanging off the side of a mountain that could plummet at any moment 😃
Anyway I don't know if I'll still be able to continue my tradition in oct of a nood to the feed after I've had a health flare so we'd best appreciate them this month!
Further more even tho OF retracted their ban I feel unsafe and I don't like how they've treated us (as creators or clients) so I'm going to be trying to find a new platform down the road. I'd love to make my own site but I just don't have the financial means or spoons required. Even just starting on a new platform is a huge endeavour for me that's gonna be a slow process so I'm definitely not going anywhere for the next few months at least
I just wish this had happened some other damn time bcs on top of my body being in bad shape health wise Sept and Oct are my fav months for content and I wish I could just focus on shooting cute fun spooopy looks for yous 😭 send me good vibes I can still manage some (altho I only just managed to take some Xmas stuff down last month lol this doesn't bode well)
How do you feel about everything that's been going on with the platform?
I hope stuff isn't going to badly with you all's, I miss everyone so much, I'm trying to get back on my feet enough to have another chill live stream so we can catch up 💕
Would you prefer a week day evening hang or something on the weekend?
PS ofc I'm still having some issues w PM's ffs, always grateful for your patience there, OF can really mess me over sometimes gah I wanna be able to sell xtra spicey smut over ppv pronto man I got some good shit backlogged 🔥 why must life be so problematic 😃
Thank you so much for everyone's support thru this 💕 I know I sound like a broken record but you all seriously light up my life and I will never not be impatient to be able to work more and spoils yous/spend more time w our community 🥰
Anywhoodles I didn't wanna bomb out your fap feed w bawling (I'm sure it wouldn't ruin everyone's sesh but I'd prefer not to cater to that specific kink rn haha) but if you want to know a bit more about how rough this second vaccine dose has been like for me/how recovery is going I posted a bit of an update and some clips over on my free page: https://onlyfans.com/175601623/claracosmiafree
Tldr is it was bad but I'm improving and I'm hoping to get tucked into more BW content soon but until I can get testing done for the stroke I have to go frustratingly gentle :)
Casual lil set! No makeup and some comfy lingerie/sweats. Took this a few weeks ago on a randomly good day and I was def feeling myself haha
Do you like this kinda chill content?
Don't get me wrong I am always gonna love creating looks and getting done up, but it's nice to be able to feel cute/sexy without it too (esp when the days i have enough energy/low enough pain to do a whole look are very rare these days due to health issues)
(this was supposed to be posted Thursday I'm not sure why it didn't go but I did indeed have a rly back reaction to the 2nd dose, I'm just trying to help my body heal (as frustrating as it is not to push to do work I want to), I'll update more when I can, my instinct is to just gloss over it and jump back in asap but I know I have a lot of chronically ill Cosmianauts here too that may be struggling with the vax as well so I wanna share for them all so we kno were not alone 💕🥄)
JFC this mini stroke recovery is rough. I've had some extreme fatigue and other flares (esp pain/mobility) I barely remanhthinf since it happened. I feel like constantly in a state of half asleep fog but also haven't slept in a week. Like I'll manage to heat up some food to feed myself and then I have to lay down again and rest for hours before I can manage another tiny task.
Watching my todo list build up around me whilst I felt like gravity was five times stronger... Urgh. Difficult to do without getting down on yourself. All I want to do is be able to do is work. Like do things for myself and others and it's so hard to accept when you just can't.
& On top of just being in not the best place in my life rn w support and barely being conscious most of the time I was extra not prepared to try and handle all the legal loose ends that suddenly seemed more urgent should my body decide a second stroke would be helpful in an unaliveing type way like I'm not stable enough for this shit son 😅 maximum effort compartmentalizing! I know it's not the healthiest strategy always but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get thru, and that's nothing to be ashamed about (she reminds herself....)
Anyway on a lighter but still depressing note I was really hoping I'd be able to do comic OC black widow lewds as planned but it became obvious I could do pretty much nothing past keeping myself alive till this flare passes. I could barely standup either of the days I had scheduled to do the noodz BW shoot and it crushed me.
I worked so hard on the designs and I couldn't even sew them 😭
But I thought okay Clara maybe this is a good time to practice not being such a perfectionist and aim lower, maybe just try the MCU widow accessories w the nood look and do a smaller shoot once you feel a tiny bit better?
Well I tried some of the avessories on, not overjoyed with the look but thought it could work... However even just a couple minutes of putting those on completely knocked out what little fight I had in me and I sadly realised even that much paired down shoot wasn't happening either Esp with my 2nd vaccine dose fast approaching. I'm already so run down and the shot tends to be a lot tougher on chronically ill folk like myself so I anticipate I'm probably gonna be in rough shape for another few days at least
Managed a couple lil piccies tho (unedited and no makeup obvs) and I do have a couple full noodz from shoot day w the widow makeup to tide us over but I'm afraid it's gonna be a smidge longer wait than planned for the OC comic noodz black widow. Hopefully I'll be well enough to shoot in a week or so but gotta see how my body reacts/heals first.
I've still got the full MCU cosplay set shot tho so stay tuned for more BTS and teasers and I'll get the full sets out asap once I can get the PM's working again I also have some noodz to ppv out too 💕
I miss you guys, I'm thinking of trying to plan a super low key live to just like chat about marvel stuff or have some Storytimes or something, even if I'm not up for a full show it'd be nice to hang out, what I'd you folk think? :)
PS nood to the main as a thank you for your support thru this for me, it means the world 🥰
Tldr, mini stroke recovery is bumpy, won't kno how worried to be till I see a neurologist, I'm a bit of a zombie rn
Urgh jeeze I mean I know we're all used to things not quite going to plan and random health flared in cosmialand but this is a bit much... I know technically like anyone could die at any moment but being slapped in the face w that at a higher risk it kinda added a lot of vital stuff to my todo list on top of a tonne of stuff that rly doesn't help my anxiety lol like trying to make a will, so fun!
I'm also had extremely bad fatigue so bad I can't process anything so I'm either in bed tossing trying to get some fitful sleep or half awake zombie trying to keep myself alive. Super glam life I know, calm your jealousy haha anyway that's the updates won't K ow much more till neuro appt and he's out the whole week so hopefully I'll have better news for you next week 💕
And thank you everyone for your kind words it rly means a lot, it's times like this a voice in my brain freaks out and tells me I'm letting everyone down (yea even when I'm literally trying to stop myself dying, I Know, slight issue) and your support helps me fight Back at that voice, I'm so grateful
Uh rough weekend :/
First off I'm safe rn and I'm taking as many precautions as I can till I have an appt w my GP tmrw to find out more, pls don't worry
But there appears to be a good chance I had a TIA/ministroke this weekend
I wanted to record a full update about everything that happened but I've been very out of spoons, they've all been spent trying to deal w this (trying to get doc appt, calling chemist's to check if any.meds have stroke risk factors, setting up emergency help systems if it happens again etc) on top of being worn out already
I'll update more when I can but I just wanted yous to know, and I will keep you posted as I learn more 👌🏻 💕
Have you seen black widow yet? Spoiler free comments but lemme kno what you thought!
Some more BTS piccies including the last lil spoonie black widow cosplay detail! I actually had to order this patch twice (along w some accessories supplies) bcs the packages got stolen so I was worried it wouldn't come in time but got it just under the wire, phewfff dem cripple God's smiled on me clearly haha
Thank you so much for all your support and helping me be able to make this and shoot it, you're all so wonderful.
When I'm laying in bed trying to rest w my mind going a mile a minute I can always centre myself on how grateful I am to have you guys, you bring me so much light when the rest of the world seems to throw storms at me left and right 💕 you help me feel as badass as I looked in this cosplay 🥰
PS if you didn't see my previous post my PM's are still messed up, I'm not ignoring anyone on purpose and I appreciate your patience whilst I'm trying to get it sorted.
I'm a one woman show most days and being disabled unfortunately I don't have a tonne of functional time each day and even then most of it has to be devoted to health related things or I pay a very steap price, so some issues can take me a second to handle. But if for some reason you need to unsub and I wasn't able to get you content you'd gotten, send me an email at contactclaracosmia@gmail.com and I will do my best to get it sorted! I never want anyone to feel like they missed out!
I FINALLY GOT TO SEE THE MOVIE AAAHHHHHH
🥰🥰🥰
I was only completely confused half the time and had to have subtitles on bcs everyone's Russian accent was terrible but it's fine I love black widow and I'm so happy I got to do this cosplay for yous all ^_^
I haven't just like taken time off to watch a movie in... Months? I honestly don't ever remember but I made popcorn and it was rly nice 😭🍿
And don't worry obviously I got it on Disney, I don't have my second shot yet so I'm still locked down. I love me some marvel but I'm not risking my lil cripple life going to a theatre lol
I'll make another post in a couple days w spoilers warnings so us diehards can chat about it hehe :)
PS PM's still borked, OF is uh not the sturdiest platform 😖 bear w me pls I'm not ignoring anyone I swear, I appreciate your patience I wanna respond get more content out so baddd
PPS sorry for the audio my a/c unit is like possessed by the devil it's so freaking loud, just mute it and stare at my tiddies 👌🏻
AAAAHHHH FIRST LOOK AT MY SPOONIE MCU BLACK WIDOW SHOOT!
What do you thiiiiink?
I had all my braces on and ofc Dora was included but there's some other lil spoonie Easter eggs hehe can you spot one in this batch? ^_^
I'm still a bit flared from the migraine after the shower show, I had a great time but it knocked me out hard and I was hurling for half the night so I'm still in recovery mode but I was too excited I had to try and rouse myself from my zombie potato state to share these w you 💕
Shot by Tim Bermingham
Menu is the last pic!
Okies dokes fam, I got some food in me and got the lighting set up as best I could so I'll be going live in a couple minutes!
Let's try same menu and I'll do my best 💕 but boob flashes are the easiest for me so I encourage those Esp tonight!
JFC the lord is testing me today fam.
My body is very not up for our maple stream today either and I'm really crushed. I was trying to brainstorm what I could do within my limits that would still be something nice for us and I was thinking maybe a chill shower show?
I know my streams are normally really high energy and super bubbly but while that's def how I am sometimes it's only one side of me and right now I'm not capable of being like that. But I know most of my Cosmianauts like me for many the parts of me, and are so supportive and encouraging to work within my limits, so I thought maybe it would be okay to let you in to a different side of me during a live will a low key one.
No makeup, raw, just me 💕
I haven't managed to eat all day bcs of this migraine so I'm hoping to log on once I get some food in me I ordered, around 10PM EST
I've never done anything like this before so I'm super nervous but I wanna still do something with yous all tonight so well just see how it goes 💕
Hoping if I keep the lighting low my migraine will work with us 🤞🏻 but mood lighting is sexy right? Haha
I hope you can still make it!
Maybe we can do lumberjane next weekend (altho given what movie comes out Friday a black widow live would probably be more appropriate...)
