boop just a lil sum sum
boop just a lil sum sum
2022-07-22 02:21:53 +0000 UTC View Post
starofsyzygy activity
No filterz, editing some video now It always ruins the uplo..
No filterz, editing some video now It always ruins the upload order and it's a pain in the ass to change so enjoy the variety!
2022-07-21 23:22:43 +0000 UTC View PostGood morning, Starshine. The earth says hello! This is a me..
Good morning, Starshine. The earth says hello! This is a message I posted to my discord almost a week ago. I didn't put it here because this is a more public platform, but you all deserve to know what's going on: "I hope you all know that when I stop posting content and streaming, it is only EVER because something is eating at me in the background- abuse, death, etc. I NEVER stop making content- I just stop feeling safe enough to put myself out there because putting myself out there when I'm hurting is a really big challenge. I don't like airing dirty laundry, I don't like making other people look bad, and if I'm honest about what we're going through right now, it makes Rain's parents look very, very cruel. I want to just tell you guys everything we're going through, or at least the basics: - how they brought us out here under the guise of helpfulness only to hold us hostage for $1700 a month, significantly more than we were paying in Colorado, in a house that is infested with ants and plagued by a maleficence we haven't been able to heal. We wake up every day with new ant bites. - how they have basically given Rain an ultimatum of "get rid of her and we'll get you a $5000 car, or we'll give you $5000 to move to Indiana and we'll basically disown you until you come crawling back" - how his dad kept insisting we take the car to Firestone so he could put it on their card and not have to deal with it (his MO: throw money at problems and they go away), even though I kept saying they were taking his money without rendering any useful services and now the car is undriveable (check engine light flashing) until I diagnose what is ACTUALLY wrong. - how despite not leaving the house except for groceries, Rain may have COVID and we now have no way of going anywhere without spending Uber money we don't have. I imagine the possibility of the love of my life in the hospital because we weren't able to get him tested soon enough, and my heart crumples. - how his dad became vicious and hostile because Rain asked him not to bring alcohol to the house- because his son has FINALLY beaten the beast of alcoholism that his parents saddled him with and doesn't want reminders of it - how they promised us 3 months rent free to "get our feet on the ground" but started demanding money IMMEDIATELY upon our arrival and now wonder why we have "nothing to show for" this time- which has been ENTIRELY dedicated to figuring out how to remove their oily, clawed fingers from around our throats. - how his mom has barraged me with hatred, first in the form of incessant instagram messages suggesting that I apply for jobs at car washes and grocery stores while she goes out to wine tastings every week, then in the form of passive aggressive posts on her feed, then in the form of HIGHLY aggressive, immature comments on my posts that I have had to delete - how my grandparents, who did it right their whole lives and raised not one but TWO sets of small humans that weren't "technically" theirs on $35,000 a year, are now dying apart because we don't have the money to ensure home care for my wheelchair-bound grandma, and Rain's parents don't consider me family so we can all just go die for all they care - how his mother literally uttered the words "we're living paycheck to paycheck" while her husband makes TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS A MONTH - how his mother has failed over and over and over to lift a finger to do ANYTHING in her life, so the house hasn't been inspected and is falling apart, it took a month and a half to get a viable lease, and we still haven't been able to go to the pool or use any of the community amenities because the property manager said "I need x y and z" and she just said NO because she didn't feel like getting on a computer until a week ago. - I have no cell service (my family has to call Rain in case of emergency), no car, no bank account of my own into which I could deposit money because we were waiting on Rain's new license to set up a new joint account, but it arrived the same day the car died. All of this because I have had the audacity to tell Rain that I see the potential for greatness in him, and that his gifts and skills would be wasted going back to work for someone else when his parents have the means to finance his dreams of helping others. Because we have the audacity to say "we're willing to work hard as hell, but only in ways that make the world around us better." Because I dare to believe that EVERYONE deserves to win here, because I know deep down under all of the malice and anger and martyrdom are two kids who just want to be loved. But there's a LOT of hurt in the way. The lion has had a thorn in its paw for so long that it has convinced itself that it belongs there, that the thorn is a part of it. His dad has said "give me something, $1000 a month, something" (this man makes 20 GRAND A MONTH and DOES NOT NEED that money, he WANTS money in order to believe what he cannot see). Rain said, "okay, do you want to see what we've been working on? (the video game Rain made, my singing, our business pitch etc.)" and his dad just outright said NO. He doesn't want to see his son, doesn't want to invest his money, he just wants Rain to make his own so he can finally be rid of him forever. I wish I was making this up. I have never seen two more abhorrent, loveless, myopic, blind parents in my entire life. I've never seen two parents squander an offspring more horribly than these two have, and I have dated a LOT of underappreciated, under-loved men. These are QUITE LITERALLY the emblematic Boomer Landlords we all know and hate. The only language they speak is money, and I didn't believe it until I witnessed it with my own eyes. My relentless optimism and undying hope have been crushed over and over and over and over. I am Meghan and Rain is Harry and we are experiencing EXACTLY the same familial rejection and oppression under the guise of "duty" and "respect" that they have, and every single day here feels like running a marathon. It drains every last bit of love and light I have just facing yet another day under their thumbs, and each conversation is worse than the last. So that's the long and short of it: we are literally being held hostage in a McMansion in paradise and it's gotten so bad that the relationship between Rain and I is constantly at the breaking point, crumbling under the stress of his parents' failing marriage and the hostility and venom they heap at us because they're too afraid to give it to each other. We are both dying, we want to heal his parents but they refuse to acknowledge that they are hurting. We desperately want to move to wherever we can live freely and in love, but in the meantime we're prisoners trying to make the best of an impossible situation." -- I am ALWAYS making content. Music, visuals, writing, everything in between. My True Self is made of light, but I can't fake it, and I hate giving people my stress and hurt and darkness. So if I'm not posting, it's because something or someone is dragging me into the depths of despair, making it so that the only thing I have energy for is survival. When I go into Survival Mode, nonessential functions are shut down, and that includes my greatest passion, the thing I was made to do, my favorite way to love- putting myself on the internet. Please understand that my radio silence is stress, not negligence. I love you all so much for listening, for being curious enough to stick around through the years to see what I'd end up doing. I'm working working working in the background on getting a website and blog up, on uploading to Youtube, on editing. I promise it'll be worth the wait. I promise I'll be spectacular. In the meantime, please accept this little spell/. The Light Key is "beauty and celebration of self." Please internalize accordingly. <3
2022-06-16 17:51:21 +0000 UTC View PostGood morning, Starshine! The Earth says hello! 🌟 I love wat..
Good morning, Starshine! The Earth says hello! 🌟 I love water. I was one of those girls who wanted to spend my whole summer in the pool or at the lake, writhing around in the water and pretending I was a mermaid. I'd hover just below the surface and look up at the sun glittering prismatic through the rippled glass, and in those moments Home felt so close I could almost taste it. I felt like a living rainbow. Now, after all those years of living in Dirt and Mountains, I finally got my dream- living near water. An hour from the ocean, and much less from smaller bodies. I've only seen the ocean once in the 2 months I've lived here because we can't afford the gas money, and I still haven't been able to access the pool that is part of "our" community, but I still have this absolute dream of a bathtub in the meantime. I feel like I'm in Pretty Woman every time I use it. Here are a bunch of bath/shower vibes. You can tell how my feelings about myself and the world are different from one to the next, reflecting how well I am responding to outside forces... or not, as the case sometimes is. :) I am trying to turn everything I do into a spell that reveals and refracts light, this video being no exception. I am using my body to whisper words of grace and serenity to the universe. What will the universe say back? 🌙
2022-05-23 20:14:10 +0000 UTC View PostHow you turn an old poem you wrote in 2017 into a song: I s..
How you turn an old poem you wrote in 2017 into a song: I started with the bit I felt was the central thesis of the thing- "Lover this is my torchsong, may it melt us together, may it burn all the bridges that lead somewhere else." I let that rhythm form the cadence of the rest of the song. Pulled other lines that felt like they fit (it came together in a minute or two) and started recording, letting a melody emerge naturally. Then I started cranking out different takes and harmonies that all sound HELLA dissonant together because it's just a draft but it's okay cuz I'm gonna send em to my producers (Rain and/or Jordo) to see what they hear. Usually it works the other way around- they send me tracks and I start conceptualizing based on that, but this one really pulled at me and the melody just started coming out before I even had Studio One open, so I rolled with it! It's gonna be interesting because of the transition to double time in the chorus. I'll keep ya posted!
2022-05-22 02:25:39 +0000 UTC View PostGood afternoon, Starshine! The Earth says hello. ✨ Yesterda..
Good afternoon, Starshine! The Earth says hello. ✨ Yesterday was the first day of Gemini season. If you'd told me 2 years ago or even 12 months ago that that would one day mean something to me, I'd have laughed you out of the room. I've always insisted, through all of my phases of religion, spirituality, agnosticism, atheism, intellectualism, paganism, and whateverelseism, that astrology is a horribly reductivist waste of time. It would take ages for me to explain how and why that's changed, but here we are. We made it through Taurus/eclipse season, y'all. Fuckin' A. A huge solar storm with X-class flares as we moved from Aries (Rain's sign) to Taurus (mine) April 30->May 1 May 8- 3rd Mother's Day without my mom May 9- 33rd birthday (my least favorite day of the year) May 10- Mercury retrograde begins May 15/16- total lunar eclipse on the night of the Scorpio full moon, exactly 33 years and 7 days TO THE MINUTE from when I was born (12:12am ET). It's been one hell of a month for me, emotionally and psychologically and physically. I know a lot of others are feeling the same, like May dragged them through life by the hair. If that's you, fuck yeah, we made it! We didn't drown in the fires of tribulation, didn't spontaneously combust from the pressure! Go Team! Now we enter into the season of The Twins, the spirit of social interaction between the Self and the world outside the Self, a time deeply linked to the element of air- a fresh, blowing breeze come to breathe life into a sunny but stagnant earthy day. It's a time to be freely, to free ourselves from routines and shackles that we've been dying to shed. It's a time to communicate, to allow thoughts and feelings to come out as naturally as our own breath. Mindfulness is important in shaping *what* comes out, as it's easy for things that are not the True Self to get in the way and fuck up the translation. Stress, annoyance, fear, shame, all of these are the products of outside influence that take our best intentions and turn them into something else, into messages that beget more of those same feelings. With mindfulness and patience with ourselves and others, we can improve the integrity of our message and communicate what we really mean. We are *always* thinking out loud- most people just aren't listening for languages other than words. Your mood informs your magic, even the magic you don't realize you're doing. The meal you're making, the order you're filling, the chore you're doing, the favor you're giving- all of it is colored by your intentions, by what feelings you allow to inform the act. You may not think so, but people can taste the difference between a meal made in love and a meal made in begrudging martyrdom. I say so from experience, and Rain can confirm! I dunno about y'all, but I was GOING GOING GOING all through Taurus season, and going going going in the months before that. Yesterday my body was telling me to REST and I was STILL in energizer bunny mode, and I crashed hard because everything I did was infected with feelings of exhaustion, every new THING I tried became a mess, shaped by my exhaustion of spirit. Today, I am trying to listen to my body, to my best heart. I am actually resting, and letting my body tell me what that looks like. Right now, it's writing this post while listening to Rain make another banger. After this it will be watching a movie that makes me feel hope. May we all find ways of letting the summer breeze of Gemini carry our fear and shame away so that when we can inhale the winds of change, we exhale only love and light. Yep, I'm one of those Love and Light bitches now. :) How have you guys felt this past month? Have you been getting dragged by your hair, or have you been doing the dragging? What are you letting Gemini carry away? 🌙 Star
2022-05-21 20:16:37 +0000 UTC View PostGood morning, Starshine. The Earth says hello! A huge wave ..
Good morning, Starshine. The Earth says hello! A huge wave of love and gratitude from my heart to yours for all those who have returned and those who are just now finding me or supporting me for the first time! Your immediate and vocal enthusiasm and optimism for what I'm doing was the most potent fuel yesterday, pushing me through any lingering doubts or hesitation through to the good stuff- the joy of creation. It's easy to let my craving for perfection drive me to inertia, making me second guess the way I look dancing or the way I feel proud of my body despite all my awkward not-dancerness. :D Your comments (and dollars) become the little fiery voice in my head saying "don't you dare scrap that. you post it- you post it right meow." Perfection is the enemy of the good, and my good is good enough. Yesterday felt like a puzzle, a house designed by M.C Escher that kept collapsing as it was being built- staircases leading to nowhere, a maze that didn't make sense. But I kept moving, and I hope my movement moves you in kind. Enjoy The Living Rorschach. Tell me, what do you see? <3
2022-05-20 14:33:40 +0000 UTC View PostA little Switchfoot cover in the wee small hours for all you..
A little Switchfoot cover in the wee small hours for all you night owls and midnight tokers. 🌃🌙 "Wish I had what I needed to be on my own Cause I feel so defeated and I'm feeling alone And it all seems so helpless and I have no plans I'm a plane in the sunset with no where to land And all I see it could never make me happy and all my sandcastles spend their time collapsing Let me know that you hear me Let me know your touch Let me know that you love me Let that be enough It's my birthday tomorrow No one here could know I was born this Thursday thirty three years ago And I feel stuck watching history repeating Oh am I just a kid who knows he's needy? Let me know that you hear me Let me know your touch Let me know that you love me Let that be enough"
2022-05-20 08:55:40 +0000 UTC View Post
Good morning, Starshine. The Earth says hello! It's been a ..
Good morning, Starshine. The Earth says hello! It's been a long time, internet friends. If I've learned anything during my hiatus from life, it's that the only rule with no exception is that there's an exception to every rule, and that's where I feel at home. I have tried for a very long time to pretend that I'm not exceptional, and even let death and other people almost convince me of it. But I'm here to tell you that I'm extraordinary, the exception to every rule, and so are you. I have so much to share with you. I want the second half of my life to be a love letter to the first, a thank you to all of the magic people and events that got me here, that helped me learn how to suffer and then helped me learn how to stop. I've changed this account to a free model, with the hope that the universe (you) will see my value and offer value in return. If a post moves you, I'd love to hear it, whether it be with a comment or a dollar. I have confidence that I have finally found my brand, the umbrella under which all of my titles and hats, skills and party tricks and accolades fall. I've found the niche that I know better than anyone in the universe, that can help others see and understand themselves better in kind: myself. My journey of self discovery, self loathing, self acceptance, and self love. I have tons of content to start sharing, and this is where I'm going to start. For the past ? months, I've been exploring intuitive movement/ecstatic dance as a way of reconnecting with my body and healing a fried nervous system. The result is a combination of movements and techniques drawing indirectly from a myriad of different practices- ballet, dynamic stretching, modern dance, tai chi, etc. I have also been exploring the art of symmetry, and these two concepts have dovetailed into a project that has REALLY challenged me to love and accept my form in all its fumbling indecision and imperfection. If anyone wants to do something similar, please tag me/let me know! I also have shower songs, cozy baths, and galleries aplenty from all over this picturesque abode. I am SCHEDULING posts, y'all. It's happening. I'm a grownedup. If you're still reading, thank you for always seeing me and loving me, even when I stopped seeing and loving myself. If you're seeing me for the first time, welcome to the Fun Sexy Trainwreck. May your force be ever in your favor. 🌙 Star
2022-05-19 14:33:08 +0000 UTC View PostWhat I'm actually doing when I'm playing GTA with friends 👀
What I'm actually doing when I'm playing GTA with friends 👀
2021-10-21 01:45:36 +0000 UTC View PostGod I wish I knew what it was like to suck on my titties. Th..
God I wish I knew what it was like to suck on my titties. They are fucking magnificent.
2021-08-30 23:58:09 +0000 UTC View PostAs you guys can probably tell, the nature of my content will..
As you guys can probably tell, the nature of my content will be largely unaffected by any potential TOS changes. My OF will continue to be what it's always been- a ~$5 a month nudes lottery. Some months you get 5 posts for $5, some months you get one several minute long video, some months you get nothing. This is just the way of things because my damaged brain struggles with executive functioning stuff. If that's not a lottery that sounds worthwhile to you, I totally get it, no worries. If you get the vibe I'm putting down, welcome. Here are my titties. Let's be friends. 😘
2021-08-25 09:21:51 +0000 UTC View PostFelt cute at work. Sneaky sneaky
Felt cute at work. Sneaky sneaky
2021-08-18 08:17:52 +0000 UTC View PostOkay, good belated morning 😂ðŸ˜
Okay, good belated morning 😂ðŸ˜
2021-07-23 23:27:04 +0000 UTC View PostMorning 😘 EDIT: WELL WHAT THE FUCK THE MEDIA JUST NEVER PROC..
Morning 😘 EDIT: WELL WHAT THE FUCK THE MEDIA JUST NEVER PROCESSED???? L;KSDJFAL;JDFS
2021-07-23 17:25:55 +0000 UTC View PostJust a little trippy teasing If you make fun of my tadpole ..
Just a little trippy teasing If you make fun of my tadpole tail you go directly to j@il. Them's the rules.
2021-07-08 23:57:14 +0000 UTC View PostHad a rough couple mental health weeks followed by AWFUL foo..
Had a rough couple mental health weeks followed by AWFUL food poisoning so here's a bunch of stuff I should've uploaded sooner 🙃
2021-07-08 23:47:07 +0000 UTC View PostTrying to be really intentional about appreciating the shape..
Trying to be really intentional about appreciating the shapes and lines of my body- even my face. I normally would never post something like this without some sort of face filter, but fuck it. I spent a long time just enjoying the feeling of touching myself all over and celebrating my own skin. I hope you enjoy watching 💕
2021-06-26 01:30:17 +0000 UTC View PostHey y'all, I hope this doesn't break everyone's links, but I..
Hey y'all, I hope this doesn't break everyone's links, but I've changed my OF name to be consistent with my name everywhere else. New content coming soon!
2021-06-19 03:58:16 +0000 UTC View PostEdited this caption because it was impulsive oops 🙃🙃🙃 I love..
Edited this caption because it was impulsive oops 🙃🙃🙃 I love this mirror tho
2021-06-17 21:56:16 +0000 UTC View PostIt's taken quite a while to get it all figured out, but SURP..
It's taken quite a while to get it all figured out, but SURPRISE I moved to my own place, a gorgeous former airbnb with 2 rad roommates, 4 balconies, and one giant ass full length mirror! I'll post an update with all the details later tonight, but for now I just wanted to say that I look forward to posting more regularly. Can't promise super fancy or complex shoots as complex tasks are still really overwhelming for me, but I WILL be posting! I haven't been able to bring myself to check my messages because I've been so worried that they will be angry messages about my lack of activity, but I'll get to them soon. For now, enjoy this video of me dancing before bed last night. Was feelin myself 😘
2021-06-13 22:44:49 +0000 UTC View PostSome BIG THINGS are on the horizon and while I can't promise..
Some BIG THINGS are on the horizon and while I can't promise that it'll mean tons of nonstop super unique content, it WILL mean more consistent content. Please send posi vibes that this thing I am waiting to hear about comes to fruition. <3
2021-05-14 21:28:01 +0000 UTC View PostHave I been terrible at uploading content? Yes. Has it been ..
Have I been terrible at uploading content? Yes. Has it been because things in my life have actually been getting better and taking up more of my brain space? Also yes. Is this a minute long video of me literally just dancing around while playing TFT? YEP. I have 20 unread DMs on here that I am absolutely TERRIFIED to check- if you messaged me something pressing or if I owe you something, can you follow up via discord or twitter/insta DM? I can't bring myself to check yet 🤮😬
2021-05-02 05:01:16 +0000 UTC View PostMy boyfriend is literally the best partner a human being cou..
My boyfriend is literally the best partner a human being could ever ask for, but words of affirmation aren't his love language. Anyone else feel like caressing this girl's... ego? 😈
2021-02-25 21:47:20 +0000 UTC View PostBIG NOT SEXY WALL OF TEXT What do you do when you have an O..
BIG NOT SEXY WALL OF TEXT What do you do when you have an OnlyFans and have been a sex worker on and off for almost a decade but have spent the last 6 months struggling with your identity? Sorry this ain't a sexy post, but I don't know where else to get my thoughts out. Sometime over the course of the past year I started struggling more than usual with my looks. This wasn't garden variety insecurity, but a deep-seated feeling of ugliness and constant Imposter Syndrome every time I made content. It got to the point where I was beginning to question my gender identity, which is when I had a realization that I can't believe I didn't see sooner. My entire life, I have been treated as a Not Quite Female. Right after my mom was hospitalized for schizophrenia and I moved in with my grandparents at age 8, they cut my long hair into a terrible short boy cut. Not a cute or feminine pixie but an awful boxy chop with a part down the middle that was ridiculously poufy because my hair was thick. I was already "one of the guys," the only tomboy in my group of neighborhood friends. They frequently called me "It" and told me it was because I "wasn't really a girl or a boy." As I got older, I tried to fit into the mold of what a girl was supposed to be, but I always felt like a pig in lipstick. Once I left Catholicism at 19 and started fucking people just because I could, my style started gravitating more and more toward the edgy and provocative- short skirts, clubwear, lots of skin, sparkles- anything that would draw attention. I avoided traditionally "feminine" things, like floral prints and flowy dresses, but was drawn to anything ostentatious and hypersexual. I think I subconsciously felt like if a man wanted me sexually, then that meant I was recognized as a woman, was validated as a legitimate female and not some wannabe. The other thing that has been consistent throughout my life has been cruelty toward my looks- specifically my face. The neighborhood boys called me a "Bag Girl"- the kind of girl you'd only fuck with a paper bag over her head. In high school it was "butterface" and "frump girl." And I get it- I'm not blind. I have a huge nose, thin lips, I was the victim of terrible cystic acne growing up that would leave scabs and scars, and a year of nonstop crying and PTSD has left me without eyelashes (no, seriously). I'm one of those women who can look okay in the right light, from the right angle, with the right filters. But the only insult I ever get on stream- like literally I cannot think of a single troll who has insulted me with something other than this- is "are you a man?" "are you trans?" Not slutshaming like most other women on Twitch get. No, the easiest thing they all find to make fun of is that I don't look like a woman. Also unlike most women, I have always been pursued or lauded for my intangible qualities- my intellect, my personality. With the slutty style, I drew attention to my body. It feels like I'm always "making up for" my face. All of these factors led to me sitting in bed crying wondering if I am actually nonbinary or genderqueer, if that's why I've felt like an imposter every time I put on a long dress or, lately, whenever I put on makeup. I sobbed trying to figure out if it was better to fail at being a woman or be decent at being not-quite-a-woman, whatever that meant. And that's when I realized that it's not that I wasn't a woman, I just wasn't the kind of woman I wanted to be. I WANT to be feminine. If it were up to me, I'd have long hair, full lips, thick eyelashes, and I'd wear dresses that aren't skin tight or see through. I'd be able to open my camera or look in the mirror bare-faced without disgust. I'd be Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts, Gal Godot. People would look at me and sometimes use words like "pretty" and "beautiful" instead of "headstrong" and "unique." Even in my own life, my partner's ratio of comments on other women's appearances to comments on mine is probably 20:1, and I can't help but internalize all of the ways that I'll never be the hot girl on instagram or the Geek & Sundry girl that he gushes over. I know this is SUCH first world problem, especially because I am privileged to be white, thin, educated, and not visibly disabled. But it eats away at me nonetheless. So how do I make sexual content when I don't feel like a sexually desirable being, when I don't even feel like a "real woman" most days? This is not a rhetorical question. If you've read this far and you have ideas other than "just suck it up," let me know. I've contemplated eyelash extensions- you have NO idea how significantly losing my eyelashes has affected my confidence and self image- but they are super expensive. I've tried keeping my face out of the frame lately, but it doesn't help. I've talked about it in therapy and it seems to be tied back to first losing my mother, since she was the only feminine figure in my life, and her hospitalization and the Big Chop happened simultaneously. But until I unpack that whole circus, I've gotta figure out what to do about OF in the meantime. Sorry this is just a wall of text. Lemme find some (faceless) titties to attach.
2021-01-19 19:56:21 +0000 UTC View PostJust some different points of view
Just some different points of view
2021-01-04 06:53:04 +0000 UTC View PostWELP just realized that I scheduled this Christmas post for ..
WELP just realized that I scheduled this Christmas post for next year. Soooo a day late and a dollar short, unfortunately par for the course for me this year. I've got a full length version of the hitachi video yet to edit and more content scheduled for the next few days, hope that makes up for it! Also, I see 13 notifications and 16 DMs waiting for me and I honestly would rather yeet myself into oblivion than check them because I'm so terrified that they're angry messages from disappointed friends/fans but I am going to check them as soon as I publish this post even if I die of anxiety in doing so 😅. Thank you, as always, for your patience with this failing human. And happy holidays, ya filthy animals. 💕
2020-12-29 18:17:50 +0000 UTC View PostJust a little tease! Trying to catch up on all of the vide..
Just a little tease! Trying to catch up on all of the videos that have been sitting waiting to be edited. I still don't have a washer and dryer so the five black trash bags of our clothes are still out of commission, but when I get a little money (after paying my disconnected cell phone bill- rip) I'm going to take all of it to the laundromat ($1.10/lb ayyyyy) so I can catch up on custom content next. I know I've been very vague on here and on social media about how and what I'm doing, which I'm sure has been frustrating to those who have seen me active on twitter or to whom I owe content. I'm sorry for my hermiting. I've finally made some big breakthroughs in the past week or so, and most of my PTSD symptoms are now manageable most of the time. The cognitive effects (short term memory problems, brain fog, inability to synthesize information quickly), however, exacerbate my already-severe ADHD, so I'm taking steps to add more structure and routine to my life. This should help me accomplish the things I want and need to do, and follow through on things I say I'll do- a painful lifelong struggle for me. I'm so grateful for all of your patience and kindness over this past year, what with sporadic posts, lack of explicit content, unanswered DMs and long overdue customs. I don't want to give an exact timeline because I keep doing that and then failing, but I'm hoping that with structure and intentionality, I can make shooting and uploading content part of my daily routine. I love you BBs, be kind to yourselves.
2020-12-11 01:00:01 +0000 UTC View Post